You've heard it before, but it's still amusing

HON SIMON O’BRIEN (South Metropolitan) [11.05 am]: [...] It is argued that this new law will keep people out of the criminal justice system. Yet, the Opposition has already demonstrated in this place and elsewhere that the model for this policy has produced the opposite result in its home jurisdiction of South Australia. No matter how much minor tweaking one does around the edges of that model, it is an egg that cannot be repaired. The Gallop Labor Government continues to be in denial over these matters. Persistence in certain circumstances can be an admirable quality; however, obstinate persistence in the face of overwhelming evidence of folly is not. The following exchange took place off Newfoundland in the North Atlantic in October 1995 between Canadian authorities and the United States Navy. It commenced with the Canadians sending the following signal by radio -

Canadians: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the north.

Canadians: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert your course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States Atlantic Fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees North. I say again, that’s one five degrees North, or counter-measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: We are a lighthouse. Your call.

The Gallop Labor Government is in charge of the ship of state, and it is heading for the electoral rocks on this matter. It is blind to the warnings of experience. It is deaf to the entreaties of reason. Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich, as the parliamentary secretary representing the minister who has responsibility for this Bill, has tried to interject, and I have ignored her, but I -

Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich: There is no way that we can be heading for the electoral rocks with you in opposition!

The PRESIDENT: Order! I commend the actions of the member who has the call in ignoring unruly interjections.

Subject: Cannabis Control Bill 2003 [Legislative Council - Second Reading]

Date: 14 May 2003

Hansard reference: pp. 7606b - 7622a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, perth, parliament, state government, lighthouse, navy

You know they're getting computer savvy when...

Hon SIMON O’BRIEN: Let us go straight to the serious matter of this bill. There is an age-old question of whether the word in the title should be “preventive” or “preventative”. The minister is just bursting to explain why we have gone for the over-the-top, extra-syllabic “preventative” rather than “preventive”, and I look forward to him telling us why, as the committee report asked about it.

Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich: Do they mean the same?

Hon SIMON O’BRIEN: According to the Oxford English Dictionary, it is “preventive”, but Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich should check it on Google.

Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich: No, I’ll leave that with you!

Hon SIMON O’BRIEN: There is never a 12-year-old kid around when one needs one!

The DEPUTY CHAIRMAN: Does the member not know how to google?

Hon SIMON O’BRIEN: I might google but only when it is near the time!

Subject: Terrorism (Preventative Detention) Bill 2005 [Legislative Council - Second Reading]

Date: 22 August 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 4880c - 4899a [online (pdf)]

Tags: parliament, perth, state government, wa, google, definitions

Stumping chance

MR B.K. MASTERS (Vasse) [4.33 pm]: [...] It is my view that the Premier is Western Australia’s equivalent of Shane Warne. Shane Warne is very clever at spin, bearing in mind his 491 test wickets - he will probably take a lot more - but what is happening when neither Shane Warne nor the Premier are on the field? When we look at what they are doing when they are not spinning, so to speak, I think we will understand that both the Premier and Shane Warne are doing things with their messages - in Shane Warne’s case by SMS messages on the phone and in the Premier’s case in a whole range of other ways - that are less than honourable. For example, the Premier in so many of his activities blames everyone but his own Government for the Government’s inability to solve problems and to deal with the important issues of the State. Instead, the Government and the Premier go off and spin into all sorts of different, irrelevant and largely illusory issues.

I do not want to talk in any detail about Shane Warne’s apparent lack of -

Dr G.I. Gallop: I was a leg spin bowler, and I can bowl a wrong’un too.

Mr B.K. MASTERS: “You’re a better man than I am, Gunga Din!” - at least on the cricket field!

I do not wish to comment on Shane Warne’s apparent long-term commitment to his wife, but I note that the Premier in this case should in theory be married to both the union movement and to WA’s working class. However, the Premier and the Australian Labor Party - this Government - are now wedded to anyone who will deliver them green votes and to anyone who is associated with the antidevelopment chardonnay-sipping socialist set. They have left their roots behind. I could make some puns about that, but I will not. Unfortunately I have to accuse the Premier of being WA’s equivalent of Shane Warne.

Mr P.B. Watson: A winner!

Mr B.K. MASTERS: The member for Albany should think about what he is saying. Like the famous cricketer, the Premier’s spin is now being shown for what it really is - a distraction from his real job, which is to govern Western Australia for the betterment of all Western Australians. Unfortunately, on this issue of Ningaloo and Mauds Landing the Premier is spinning, spinning, spinning on a -

Mr R.N. Sweetman interjected.

Mr B.K. MASTERS: Maybe a stump, but he is on a very sticky wicket. I am pleased to say that finally the media is starting to understand the rules by which he plays his game.

Subject: Ningaloo Reef Coastline [Legislative Assembly - Motion]

Date: 13 August 2003

Hansard reference: pp. 9895b - 9918a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament, cricket, warnie, spin, gallop

Greenough said...

66. Mr G.A. WOODHAMS to the minister representing the Minister for Education and Training:

Before I ask this question I acknowledge the presence in the public gallery of some of the constituents from the seat of Merredin. I welcome them to the house.

I refer to a media statement of 11 April 2003 in which the previous Minister for Education and Training, Hon Alan Carpenter, promised to “revolutionise remote learning” by installing specialised telecommunication systems in the homes of all children studying through the School of the Air and Schools of Isolated and Distance Education at no cost to families.

[... asks six part question ...]

The SPEAKER: Order! I think most people in this place would consider that question far too long. If the member for Greenough wants detailed answers to questions such as those, he might like to consider putting his questions on notice. I presume notice of the question has been given.

Mr A.J. CARPENTER replied:

Some notice has been given of the question. It is an absolute delight for me to be asked a question by the member for Greenough. Is it the new member for Greenough’s first question in Parliament? I will not bore the house, but I find it interesting. We go back a long way. He was my school captain when I started my first year in high school at Albany High School. An explanation attached to this question is building! He and I have known each other for years; we worked together at the ABC and Channel 7 when it was called TVW 7 - a magnificent place to work in those days. More importantly, we were members of a very inclusive band of supporters of Subiaco Football Club who went to every home and away game. When we were contemplating what were the silliest things to yell out, he rose to the occasion with a cry that has not been surpassed and yelled out - he might want to finish this - “Oobie, doobie” -

Mr G.A. Woodhams: Come on Subi!

Several members interjected.

Mr A.J. CARPENTER: No catchcry has ever taken root like that. It echoes around the grounds of the WAFL today, even though no-one is there to yell it out! The players are waiting for it! Where is it? It was absolutely magnificent.

I asked the member for Greenough to please ask me a question. Consistent with his character, he has asked six questions, none of which I can answer, even though, to be fair, he gave notice at 12.10 pm today! I am no longer the Minister for Education and Training, and I know that is regretted by 25 000-odd state school teachers; they lie awake at night wishing I was back, just as I wish for the echoes of “Oobie, doobie”!

Subject: Home-Based Remote Students [Legislative Assembly - Questions Without Notice]

Date: 7 April 2005

Hansard reference: pp. 551b - 551b [online (pdf)]

Tags: greenough, carpenter, subi, parliament, perth, state government, wa

No tackle, however

MR McGOWAN (Rockingham) [9.32 pm]: I will be handling this Bill on behalf of the Government because the Minister for Agriculture, Forestry and Fisheries is a member of the other place and his representative in this Chamber, his parliamentary secretary, the member for Cockburn, is absent and will not be able to deal with it.

Mr Carpenter: There is something fishy about that.

Mr McGOWAN: That could be true. Maybe he is the one that got away.

Mr Carpenter: Just as long as you do not attempt to gut the Bill; I am only baiting the member and he has taken it hook, line and sinker.

Mr McGOWAN: There is no doubt about that -

Mr Carpenter: What I am afraid of is that he is completely out of his depth.

Mr McGOWAN: There is no doubt that the Minister for Education is all washed up.

Mr Carpenter: What we need here is protection against the sharks in this region, so I hope that that is included in the Bill.

The DEPUTY SPEAKER: The member for Rockingham might like to address the second reading.

Mr Carpenter: He is having a whale of a time.

Mr McGOWAN: I am looking forward to getting on with the Bill. It is very interesting and listening to the Minister for Education -

Mr Carpenter: He might be looking forward to it, but he is behaving like a stunned mullet.

Mr McGOWAN: The Minister for Education is behaving like an old fishwife in his remarks about this Bill.

Subject: Fish Resources Management Amendment Bill 2001 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 12 December 2001

Hansard reference: p. 7048 [online (pdf)]

Tags: fish, sharks, puns, parliament, perth, state government, wa

I'm guessing you didn't like "budget pie".

Mr F.M. LOGAN: I suggest the member for Greenough shut up; he is a boofhead.

Mr G. Woodhams: Thank you for being polite, member.

Mr F.M. LOGAN: He should just shut up; he is not making sense at all.

Subject: Daylight Saving Bill (No. 2) 2006 [Legislative Assembly - Standing Orders - Suspension]

Date: 31 October 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 7886b - 7952a [online (pdf)]

< insert sound fx here >

Hon PAUL LLEWELLYN: [...] Without exception the debate on the voting system occurred as a line item. I am not drawing too much of a conclusion; I am merely saying that that was the line of inquiry that I undertook. The Greens wrote to the councils that had written to us. We were transparent about the fact that on principle we support proportional preferential voting. However, we told them that we are interested to hear their substantial arguments. When the Standing Committee on Environment and Public Affairs investigates the bill, the various proponents will be able to outline their issues and concerns. Was that the Leader of the House? I hope that Hansard caught that yawn. It was a very deep yawn. I wonder how that will be reflected in Hansard.

Hon Peter Collier: He’s as subtle as a flamethrower!

Hon PAUL LLEWELLYN: I am sorry to have bored the Leader of the House so much! Nevertheless, I will continue with my comments.

Subject: Local Government Amendment Bill 2006 [Legislative Council - Motion (Instruction to Committee of the Whole)]

Date: 23 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8727c - 8743a [online (pdf)]

Tags: state government, wa, perth, parliament, yawn, flamethrower

After the First Test, England might need the Liberal approach...

493. Mr P.B. WATSON to the Minister for Local Government and Regional Development:

Can the minister tell the house whether the sale of Telstra will offer any security of services for Western Australia?

Mr J.J.M. BOWLER replied:

I thank the member for Albany for the question and point out that he looks a bit bleary-eyed. He must have stayed up late last night watching that fantastic contest in which the king of spin bowled his balls down the wicket, with little leg breaks and sliders, and the occasional top spinner, only to be thwarted by one batsman. Members may think I am talking about Shane Warne and Kevin Pietersen, but no, I am talking about the great king of spin in Australia, John Howard, and the one person who will stand up to him, Barnaby Joyce. Barnaby just hits John Howard back over his head. While the rest of the Liberal Party seems to be bamboozled by the king of spin’s little leggies, Barnaby plays them as they are back over his head - another six, Barnaby! While the Liberal Party in Western Australia is playing like Colin Cowdrey and Geoff Boycott, just poking out the pad, occupying the benches and doing nothing, there is Barnaby, just showing them what they can do. I had given up hope for the other side, but all of a sudden over the weekend the former wonder king, Hon Norman Moore, that great batsman from the past - he is past his peak now and probably will not get back into the first XI - suddenly found a bit of form. Suddenly Hon Norman Moore started hitting John Howard; he started saying that he could read his spin and he was going to start hitting the ball for Western Australia. I just hope that the Liberal senators - Judith Adams; Ian Campbell -

A government member interjected.

Mr J.J.M. BOWLER: Exactly - who are they? - Alan Eggleston; Chris Ellison; David Johnston, a former mate of mine from Kalgoorlie; and Ross Lightfoot - will take a leaf out of the batting efforts of Barnaby Joyce and not the Colin Cowdreys on the opposition benches here. They are just occupying the benches. They have not scored a run for a long time. I hope those senators will start doing what they are supposed to do and go in to bat for Western Australia.

Subject: Telstra Sale, Security of Telecommunications Services [Legislative Assembly - Questions Without Notice]

Date: 13 September 2005

Hansard reference: pp. 5157b - 5157b [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament, cricket, spin, ashes

Actually it's quite desirable for potential developers

Hon ANTHONY FELS: [...] Submissions about those issues ought to be made, considered and addressed before we have daylight saving for three years, and possibly beyond. Referring this bill to the Standing Committee on Legislation will give us that opportunity.

[...]

The committee must also consider the impact that daylight saving will have on migration to Western Australia. [...] One argument that has been presented in favour of daylight saving is that WA now has hundreds of thousands of new Western Australians who were not here 15 years ago. Those people have come from places such as England, which has daylight saving. The committee can determine whether those emigrants would have come to Western Australia if we had daylight saving. It may also consider what other groups of people we might be able to attract to WA. Western Australia is enjoying an unprecedented boom economically; indeed, property values are rising despite the fact that we do not have daylight saving.

Several members interjected.

The PRESIDENT: Order, members! There are too many interjections. Hon Anthony Fels has been given direction about what he can and cannot say. He has been keeping within those reasonable bounds; however, when he has strayed, I have had cause to pull him up. I do not need members to interject and thus prolong the debate unnecessarily.

Hon ANTHONY FELS: Another issue that must be considered is Western Australia’s location in relation to cities in the eastern states. [...] Many cities in the world have daylight saving. Perhaps it is worth looking beyond the convenience of being able to ring someone in Sydney or Melbourne an hour earlier. A committee will be able to consider how daylight saving will impact on our communications with other cities in the world. I note that Baghdad has daylight saving. However, that does not necessarily make Baghdad a great place to live.

Hon Kate Doust interjected.

Hon ANTHONY FELS: Perhaps Hon Kate Doust should be on the committee.

Subject: Daylight Saving Bill (no. 2) 2006 [Legislative Council (second reading)]

Date: 16 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8335b - 8376a [online (pdf)]

Tags: state government, wa, perth, parliament, daylight savings, dst, baghdad

Effervescent, or, more than Greenough?

Ms J.A. RADISICH: [...] It is my opinion that fizzy drinks do not have a place in schools. I am sure some people will disagree with me. Some schools have said that their canteens need to sell junk food and fizzy drinks to make money. It is not an acceptable argument. I put it to the government that if it is the case that this issue is about providing funding to schools rather than what kids are eating, it becomes a separate issue that needs consideration.

Mr A.D. McRae: What sort of fizzy drinks are you talking about?

Ms J.A. RADISICH: I thank the member for Riverton for asking.

Ms K. Hodson-Thomas: Did you prompt him?

Ms J.A. RADISICH: No, I did not. However, he did well.

I looked at the nutritional content, or lack thereof, of some fizzy drinks that currently are available in some schools. It is cause for great alarm, which I will demonstrate. For example, Coca-Cola and Sprite are common drinks that are available to children at some schools, drinks that I am sure many members have ingested on occasion. Members know that Sprite and Coke have a high sugar content. It is something in the order of 16 teaspoons of sugar in just one can of drink. Professor Dingle from Murdoch University has stated that if we stopped drinking two cans of these drinks per day, we would all lose half a kilo per month.

Mr G. Woodhams: I will disappear!

Ms J.A. RADISICH: The member for Greenough needs to keep drinking them, but the rest of us could probably cut back.

Subject: Appropriation (Consolidated Fund) Bill (no. 1) 2006 [Legislative Assembly Second Reading - Cognate Debate]

Date: 17 May 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 2794b - 2848a [online (pdf)]

Tags: parliament, perth, state government, wa, fizzy drinks, soft drinks

Ashes to ashes

Hon PETER FOSS: [...] The House sent this Bill to the Standing Committee on Legislation to make what looked to be an unworkable supplementary notice paper into a workable one. Had the House tried to operate under normal circumstances, it would have been totally perplexed -

Hon Simon O’Brien: Can the minister get that ringing phone for me?

Hon Tom Stephens: My apologies, Mr Deputy Chairman. I think it’s my wife.

The DEPUTY CHAIRMAN (Hon Barry House): Standing Orders are very clear on this issue.

Hon PETER FOSS: I do not know whether that constitutes an interjection, but I am sure it is unruly.

Hon Simon O’Brien: If it is a message from Warnie, I want it tabled.

Subject: Environmental Protection Amendment Bill 2002 [Legislative Council - Committee]

Date: 21 August 2003

Hansard reference: pp. 10329b - 10360a [online (pdf)]

Tags: parliament, perth, state government, wa, warnie, mobile

Greenough is Greenough

Yesterday, the daylight saving bill was finally accepted by the Legislative Assembly. In memoriam of a sane time zone, I thought I'd share another one of the member for Greenough's brilliant compositions:

Mr G. WOODHAMS: [...] During my browsing in the National Gallery of Australia and the National Library, I came across, not unexpectedly, a poem dedicated to daylight saving. It was written by that well-known poet or poetess - not Dorothea Mackellar. The poem is called I Love A Sunburn Daily -

The love of beaches and stubbies
Of chardonnays by the pool
And doing deals in Sydney
With Coles and Woolies too
Strong love of wearing raybans
While driving in your Govvie car
I know but cannot share it
Because this time you’ve gone too far

See I love a sunburn daily
An extra hour will not work
The last time we were asked to try it
We were still recovering from Premier Burke
I love my faded curtains
And cows producing latte
My clock on Western Standard Time
And more bloody hours at Bunnings on Sunday

The tragic Labor government
And those swingers Matt and Johnny D
Long lunches with revenge intent
Giving Eric an extra hour to spend our surplus. Free.
Let the Greens tangle in the upper house
Where the Ljiljannas coil,
And trendies deck the lounges
After a hard day’s toil

Core of my heart, my rolex
Her ticking body so sweet
Mum and Dad rolling around in the morning
There’s a scene hard to beat

Mrs D.J. Guise: That’s too much information!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: Members will read into this bill what they want to read into it; that is what I have been hearing throughout the debate! The poem further reads -

But then the clockheads gather
And we can bless again
The dopey daylight savers
Who haven’t got a brain

Core of my heart, my cheap imitation bought in Thailand Rolex
In this land that time forgot
An extra hour every day,
And Carpy wants the lot.
We now have one fat time zone
All lined up with the Congo
Even the Mandurah line can run on time
With Alannah the Station Master keeping time on the bongo

The filmy veil of woopy weed
That thickens in the air
Pot smokers another hour to burn and indulge in vacant stare.
A summer of endless daytime
No clock to hold her back
This wilful, lavish land sucking mid strength
Can’t catch a taxi, mate they’re enjoying the sunset at Cottesloe
And the flag fall will set you back.

Mr Acting Speaker, this is the last, I think very important, verse of one of Dorothea’s lost poems -

All you who have not loved her,
Daylight savers You don’t understand -
Though sunburn holds many splendours,
And of it when I die,
I know to what Time Zone
My homing thoughts will fly.

Mr Acting Speaker, I am in an emphatic mode; maybe you did not gather that. Maybe some of the soft-headed modernists, as I refer to them, on either side of the house do not understand it, either.

There was a forum in ancient Rome, during the Roman Empire, known as the senate, in which there were several Caesars. Members may know about the senate and about Caligula, who appointed his horse as his successor emperor.

Mr R.C. Kucera: A bit like the leadership of the Liberal Party!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: The member may be correct, and I will not dispute him on that note.

Subject: DAYLIGHT SAVING BILL (NO 2) 2006 (WA Legislative Assembly)

Date: Tuesday, 31 October 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 7886b - 7952a (online (PDF))

Not the best of weeks

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: [...] We must go through a raft of minor provisions in the bill. I wanted to speak only on public funding. I understand why some members of the public are opposed to it and I can understand why some members in the house will vote against it. I agree that it will be abused and that the ALP will be the biggest benefactor out of this process.

Mr R.F. Johnson: Then join us, brother.

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: On the other hand, I want to maintain a strong and healthy democracy in Western Australia. The traditional funding that has flowed to political parties in the past has been drying up. There is no guarantee that union funds will continue to flow to the ALP as they have done in the past. They might also dry up in the future. There has been a change in the public’s attitude about the funding of the political process. There has been a significant drop in the standing of parliamentarians among the community. These types of bills and debates contribute to the perception of members of Parliament. I am in favour of public funding as matter of principle. If members will nail me down -

Ms S.E. Walker: I am not going to marry you.

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: I am very disappointed! Is our engagement officially off? It is a bad week when the Dockers and Eagles lose and my engagement is called off!

Mr R.F. Johnson: Which is the biggest disappointment?

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: Definitely the engagement! I was looking forward to losing my pension!

Mr B.S. Wyatt: Can I have some of yours?

Subject: Electoral Legislation Amendment Bill 2006

Date: 13 September 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 5881c - 5893a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament, pension, public funding

Stop.

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: [...] I will run through this chart. It summarises the whole daylight saving issue. The bottom of the graph shows the hours of zero to 24, which is normal Western Australian standard time. The hours at the top are daylight saving time, with the one-hour difference. It shows the business times in the eastern states, and the overlap with Western Australia. It shows the enormous benefits that daylight saving will have for business. That might seem small, but it is a huge factor.

Mr R.F. Johnson: Who prepared that graph?

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: Dr Hammer.

The green lines show sunrise and sunset. The blue line shows the evening meal time. The recreation time is highlighted here. The evening recreation time is shown as being half during sunlight hours and half not during sunlight hours. This is what it will be under daylight saving. The white part on the graph shows the time that is allowed for people to get home after work. The significant thing from my point of view - this is something that all members should look at - is the meal and recreation time. I call that family time.

Mr R.F. Johnson: Do we all have to eat at that time?

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: I would be happy to swap the blue and the orange lines for the member for Hillarys, because he is unusual! They are interchangeable. That shows how daylight saving will have the biggest benefit in giving families time to recreate together and engage in the activities that they enjoy.

There has been an interesting argument that daylight saving will result in a huge difference in temperatures. The graph shows the temperature rise, and also the temperature fall when the sea breeze comes in.

Mr R.F. Johnson: Is that every day? I find that astounding!

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: I am glad, member for Hillarys! I hope that at the end of this debate the member for Hillarys will be supporting daylight saving! The difference in temperatures because of the one-hour time difference will be between half a degree and one and a half degrees. It is not significant. The argument has been put that there will be a huge increase in temperatures, and school kids will die in the heat of the school bus. The reality is that the maximum increase in temperatures will be between half a degree and one and a half degrees. It will make very little difference. That is real data, not imaginary data.

Mr T.K. Waldron interjected.

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: I am not going to win the argument with the members of the National Party.

Mr R.F. Johnson: You have convinced me, my friend! That graph is absolutely astounding!

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: I like the member for Hillarys’ humour! I am very serious about the fact that daylight saving will be of enormous benefit for business. More importantly, it is about lifestyle and families, and about tackling the health issue in our community.

Mr C.J. Barnett: I think we need a photo of you holding up that graph!

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: I am sure I will have many to give the member!

Mr D.T. Redman: Is it correct that the hottest time of the day is actually four o’clock?

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: On the day shown on this graph, the temperature peaked at four o’clock. It will peak at five o’clock during daylight saving hours. As I have said, the difference in temperatures because of the one-hour time difference will be between half a degree and one and a half degrees.

Mr R.F. Johnson: Do you give a guarantee with that?

Mr J.B. D’ORAZIO: The member for Mindarie has given an unequivocal guarantee that if anyone’s curtains fade because of the introduction of daylight saving, he will replace them.

Mr R.F. Johnson: I have a pair of curtains at home that have faded!

Subject: Daylight Saving Bill 2006 (Legislative Assembly, second reading)

Date: 25 October 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 7648b - 7652a [online (pdf)]

Tags: curtains, daylight savings, parliament, perth, state government, wa

A bit too excited about the budget

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: I think something has happened to me since I became a member, because when I go to bed I now read such things as this consolidated financial statement. I ask that the Treasurer put his photograph on the inside of the cover as a memento.

An opposition member: Something for you to read before you go to sleep.

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: Perish the thought.

Mr E.S. Ripper: I do not like the idea of you looking at my photograph when you are in bed.

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: I may already be doing so! If I have seen a woman’s face in ink spots, I can see the Treasurer’s face on the flyleaf. Who knows what could be happening in my mind since I came into this place?

Mr R.C. Kucera: No wonder he has a blue hand!

Subject: APPROPRIATION (CONSOLIDATED FUND) BILL (NO 3) 2005 (WA Legislative Assembly, second reading)

Date: Thursday, 24 November 2005

Hansard reference: pp. 7730b - 7743a [online (PDF)]

A brush with nature

Mr B.K. Masters: In the few minutes left available to me I will make a couple of comments. In some respects it is unfortunate that this debate is not taking place next week, because this Sunday I will lead about 30 people on a 15-kilometre walk through the proposed Yelverton state forest. Wearing my hat as the President of the Busselton Naturalists Club, this year in the cooler winter and spring months we will do 10 walks of between 15 and 20 kilometres through the proposed Yelverton, Bramley and Forest Grove National Parks.

Several members interjected

Mr B.K. Masters: The members are being rude; I can tell.

Mr B.J. Grylls: We didn’t know what you were president of.

Dr J.M. Edwards: Or what you would be wearing!

Mr B.K. Masters: I know what the members are suggesting. It is far too cold to do what they are suggesting that maybe I do!

Mr B.J. Grylls: It is called getting back to nature.

Mr B.K. Masters: The word is "naturalist" not "naturist".

Mr B.J. Grylls: We will check Hansard!

Mr B.K. Masters: Yes, I think it is important that the member do that.

Contributed by Dave

Subject: Reserves (National Parks, Conservation Parks and Nature Reserves) Bill 2004 [Legislative Assembly, second reading]

Date: 19 August 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 5305b - 5318

The world is not Greenough

MR G. WOODHAMS (Greenough) [5.27 pm]: It gives me great pleasure to have the opportunity to reply to the Treasurer’s budget speech. This is perhaps an appropriate gathering, as there is an intimate number of people in the chamber, and it is a suitable venue to provide some inspiration and thought, and perhaps also some provocation.

Mr R.F. Johnson: I disagree!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: I will pay the member for Hillarys afterwards! With all due respect to Don McLean and his epic song American Pie, I present to members this evening an ode to the budget, “Budget Pie”-

A long, long time ago . . .
I can still remember
How the budget used to make me smile.

And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make the country dance
And, maybe, they’d be happy for awhile

But the Treasurer made me shiver
With that sad paper he did deliver.
Mandurah rail was the headline
Putting more people on the breadline.

I can’t remember if I cried
When I saw the Treasurer talk about this ride
But something touched me deep inside
The day the budget died.

So bye-bye, divide up the pie.
Drove my Hyundai to service station
But the cost was too high.
And them good old Labor boys were ridin’ nigh
Singin’, “Mandurah rail or I die.
“Mandurah rail or I die.”

Did you write the rail dept off?
And do you have faith in Kym above,
If the Budget tells you so?

Do you believe in standard gauge,
Can ticket inspectors save your mortal soul,
And can you teach me how to tunnel real slow?

Well, I know that you’re insane
’cause I saw you sittin’ on the train.
You both had come from caucus
A ripper of a budget had made you raucus.

I was a lovely middle age Nats’ buck
Wearing my houndstooth jacket driving a pickup truck,
But I knew I was out of luck,
The day the budget was . . . deep fried.

So, bye-bye, divide up the pie.”
Drove my school bus to the primary,
But it was closed for all times.
Them Labor boys were drinkin’ Chablis Dry
And singin’, Mandurah Rail or I die.
Mandurah Rail or I die.”

Now for six years they’ve spending the large
Throwing money on the city like there was no charge,
But that’s not how it used to be.
When real electorates were provided for all
Not one vote one value tricking the soul
But a vote that came from you and me,

But while the people were looking down,
The budget stole every small town.
Parliament was adjourned;
No money was returned.

And the Premier spoke to the Legislative Clerk
Jim, John, and Eric practiced in the park,
And western Power left us in the dark
The day the budget died.

We were singing,
“bye-bye, budget pie.”
Caught the ambulance to the hospital
But no beds could I spy.
Them Labor girls were demanding portfolios from guys
And singin’, “Mandurah Rail or I die.
Mandurah Rail and I die.”

Helter skelter in a spending swelter.
The Ministers flew off to the Mandurah shelter,
Thirty miles long and failing fast.

The budget landed foul as it was cast
The back bench tried for a forward pass,
But their voices were muffled, the votes already past.

Now the budget speech was sad, obscene
While the front bench played with a train set keen
We all got up to speak,
The situation was bleak!
’cause the house battled to hold a quorum
The big 2 billion spend on boredom
Clickety Clack Clickety Clack Clickety Clack
Do you recall what was revealed
The day the budget died?

We started singing,
“bye-bye, divide up the pie.”
I’m riding my horse to the levee,
But the Yarragadee was dry.

The Labor were saving for tickets to buy
And singin’, Mandurah Rail or I die.
Mandurah Rail or I die.”

There they were . . . all in one place,
Generation Labor lost in space
With no time left to start again.
So come on: jackhammer be nimble, jackhammer be quick!
Jackhammer under the causeway and be damn quick
Cause surplus is the Ministers only friend.

And as I watched her on the toil
Justifying blowouts like a kettle will boil
No angel born in hell
Could break that Ministers spell.
And as the figures climbed high into the night
To light the railway station light,
I saw the Premier laughing with delight
The day the budget died

He was singing,
“bye-bye, budget pie.”
Drove my govvy car to the footy
But the Dockers made me cry.

The back room deals caught me on the fly
singin’, “Mandurah Rail or I die.
“Mandurah Rail or I die.”

I met a member who sang the blues
And I asked her for some happy news,
But she just said return or one way
I went down to the sacred floor
Where I’d heard the budget years before,
But the man there said the Treasurer wouldn’t pay.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
Nothing for them and the places they dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The spirit of the future broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
Couldn’t catch the train to the coast
Still not finished, another blowout at the Minister’s roast.

And they were singing,
“bye-bye, divide up the pie.”
Drove my solar powered yacht to the Swan,
As a salt slug went by.
Under the river the tunnel workers were dry.
Singin’, “Mandurah Rail or I die.
Mandurah Rail or I die.”

They were singing,
“bye-bye, we’ve eaten the pie.”
Drove the train to the station,
As the Labor Party went by
Their near sited leaders were drinking diet coke - you want fries with that? - with a sigh
Singin’ their new mantra, “Mandurah Rail or I die.”
Mandurah Rail or I die.

Several members interjected.

Mr G. WOODHAMS: That was a one-off performance. Many members will appreciate that it will not be repeated.

[...]

Mr G. WOODHAMS: [...] I seek leave for an extension of time.

[Member’s time extended.].

Mr R.F. Johnson: Only if you tell us the poem again!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: A long, long time ago - I can still remember it! It is only a monotone, which matches my “monoceps”. That is the way I am cast.

Subject: Appropriation (Consolidated Fund) Bill (no. 1) 2006 [Legislative Assembly, second reading, cognate debate]

Date: 17 May 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 2794b - 2848a [online (pdf)]

Tags: budget, budget pie, don mclean, parody, parliament, perth, state government, wa

Old hoons

HON DERRICK TOMLINSON (East Metropolitan) [7.47 pm]: [...] Every time I drive down Onslow Road these days I find myself driving at 44 kilometres an hour.

Hon Graham Giffard: It happens when you get old.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: No, it does not happen when people get old; it happens when good behaviour is positively reinforced.

Hon Graham Giffard: My mother does 44 kilometres an hour everywhere.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: If I were the member’s mother I would be very cautious too, because look what happened once when she was not paying attention

[...]

HON DERRICK TOMLINSON (East Metropolitan) [7.47 pm]: [...] I have heard reference to hoons and burnouts. I think I know what a burnout is. I have seen young people do burnouts. I am not quite sure what a hoon is. I went to the Oxford English Dictionary, and the nearest definition I could get to “hoon” was “hooligan”. A “hooligan” is the name given to Irishmen of south London who were associated with ruffian groups. I do not know whether “hoon” is an abbreviation of “hooligan”, but there is no reference to hoons in the dictionary. I understand that these hoons do burnouts in particular places in Perth, such as the car park at Scarborough Beach. I understand also that these hoons do drag-racing along Leach Highway and in Rockingham.

Hon Jim Scott: I think a hoon is a hooligan at speed.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: I see. I do not know who they are. All I know is that I can recall as a 16 or 17-year-old fellow meeting a group of my peers every Friday night at the Bright Spot at Sandringham Hill. They were not called hoons. They were called the boys. The boys used to meet at the Bright Spot, and they all drove hotted-up 1936 Ford V8s -

Hon Peter Foss: Great stuff!

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: They were. I saw one being driven on the road ahead of me just the other day. It was an absolutely beautiful vehicle - a hotted-up 1936 Ford V8. The boys would stand around getting high on hamburgers. They were real hamburgers in those days - not Kentucky Fried hamburgers, but real hamburgers. [...] We are told that these hoons are driving these $50 000 vehicles and are doing burnouts in the car park at Scarborough Beach, and are racing along Leach Highway at three o’clock in the morning and are a danger to everyone else on the road. Anyone who is on the road at three o’clock in the morning would need to explain why he or she is there. As for people in the car park at Scarborough Beach, I do not know that that represents a threat to life and limb on the road. These hoons are doing exactly what the boys of my acquaintance were doing.

Subject: ROAD TRAFFIC AMENDMENT (IMPOUNDING AND CONFISCATION OF VEHICLES) BILL 2004 (WA Legislative Council, second reading)

Date: Tuesday, 1 June 2004

Hansard reference: pp. 3064d — 3076a [online (PDF)]

The village idiot

Ms S.E. WALKER (Nedlands): That was why I was concerned about JPs. I endorse what other members have said about JPs; they do a great job. However, they do not have any regular or mandatory ongoing training.

Mr J.A. McGinty: But this legislation will require them to do the initial training course.

Ms S.E. WALKER: Yes, but they could do that training course and then not know anything about, for instance, the laws that the Attorney General introduced that relate to the Sentencing Act. [...] Has anyone, in looking at this package, done any research into whether this could act unfairly on people in the community when they are sentenced? For instance, does the Attorney General have any statistics on how many people have been sentenced by justices of the peace in Western Australia, and for what and how long?

Mr J.A. McGINTY: I do not have those statistics with me. There is no change in terms of the eligibility criteria proposed in this Bill. One might make the same comments about members of Parliament. We could ask what is the requirement to be a member of Parliament. The only requirement is that a person be elected. That does not mean that that person has any knowledge, ability, skill or capacity. A person could be the village idiot and be a member of Parliament. Perhaps some are.

Ms S.E. Walker: Some are. I am looking to my left.

Subject: Justices of the Peace Bill 2003

Date: 1 April 2004

Hansard reference: pp. 1536c - 1558a [online (pdf)]

Broome People

Ms K. HODSON-THOMAS (Carine): To return to the issue of the camel operators and the beautiful camels -

Mr R.F. Johnson (Hillarys): I would not say “beautiful”.

Ms K. HODSON-THOMAS: I think camels are very interesting animals.

Mr T. Buswell (Vasse - Deputy Leader of the Opposition): It depends whether you’re at the front or the back of the queue!

Ms K. HODSON-THOMAS: For the person sitting on the back, they are very interesting animals.

Mr G. Snook (Moore): They are an animal designed by a committee.

Subject: Cable Beach - Camel Tourism Operators

Date: 30 August 2006

Hansard reference: p. 5479 - 5495 [online]

Tags: broome, camels, parliament, perth, state government, wa

Opening Statement

Houses & Motions is not a political blog. Well, it is, in that it deals with the goings-on in W.A. State Parliament. It does not seek, however, to focus on any one party, to promote the agenda of one part of the political spectrum. If it's in Hansard, it could end up here, regardless of whether the speaker is Liberal, Labor, National, Democrat, Greens, Independent, or a dog.

The contents of the blog do not represent the views of the people responsible for collating it, but refer to things that are said in either House of which the electorate might not be aware. Views for or against possible legislation are not being pushed.

Generally what will be featured here are the relatively humorous exchanges, the asides, the witty banter, or things that are just odd, dug up from the Hansard archives. Sometimes it will be current, sometimes not.

This is not a guide for the placement of votes at the next state election. It may well be a waste of time, but hopefully it will provide some amusement.