Once upon a tie in the West

HON JOHN FISCHER (Mining and Pastoral) [5.55 pm]: I will make one or two precursory remarks before I thank some people. Yesterday, the Minister for Racing and Gaming commented by way of interjection on the tie I was wearing.

Hon Nick Griffiths: You have really dished it up to me today!

Hon JOHN FISCHER: The minister certainly deserves to be complimented on the tie he is wearing today. I am sure that anyone from the racing industry would be extremely proud that the minister is wearing a tie that is extremely befitting of the position he holds. While I am talking about neckties, it would be remiss of me not to mention the ties worn by Hon Peter Foss on occasion, and certainly Hon Robin Chapple runs a very close second to him. I mention this today because my nine-year-old daughter presented me with a musical tie that is certainly fitting for this occasion. It brings out the Christmas feeling!

Hon Kim Chance: I think the honourable member’s tie is out of order!

Hon Ken Travers: I told them not to push your button!

Hon JOHN FISCHER: I think I have a flat battery already, but I am sure I will play it again at a later stage.

Subject: Adjournment of the House [Legislative Council - Special]

Date: 19 December 2002

Hansard reference: pp. 4538b - 4544a [online (pdf)]

Tags: state government, parliament, perth, wa

They started it...

Hon PETER FOSS: [...] The reason I am asking these questions is obvious. The minister knows exactly why; he just does not want to say it. He almost gags on admitting that this Bill is inconsistent with and amends the Electoral Distribution Act. The minister will not say it, because if he does not say it, it will not happen. However, he looks a bit like Basil Fawlty. Do not mention the law! It is very hard sometimes not to mention the law.

Hon Kim Chance: Especially when you goosestep!

Hon PETER FOSS: I am glad I am providing amusement -

Hon N.D. Griffiths: You are.

Hon PETER FOSS: The minister is too. I pose this question -

Hon N.D. Griffiths: You are good at posing.

Subject: Electoral Amendment Bill 2001 [Legislative Council - Committee]

Date: 6 December 2001

Hansard reference: pp. 6557 [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Twice shy

Hon BRUCE DONALDSON: [...] Anyway, the odontologist showed us the most grotesque bite marks on the anatomies of some people. He said that the Bill had failed to state that the examination of a bite mark on a body must be made within the first 24 hours. He gave us an example of a person who had robbed a bakery overnight and had eaten a piece of chocolate cake. He was able to match the bite mark on the piece of cake to the mouth of the person from whom they had taken the - what do they call it?

Hon Nick Griffiths: Swab?

Hon BRUCE DONALDSON: No, not a swab, it was the bite mark.

Hon Ljiljanna Ravlich: What does it start with?

Hon Derrick Tomlinson: Somebody’s teeth sinking into your skin!

Subject: Committee Reports and Ministerial Statements - Consideration [Legislative Council - Committee]

Date: 5 March 2004

Hansard reference: pp. 525d - 539a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

A novel approach

Hon FRANK HOUGH: [...] These are issues for which we have professionals and the public service to advise us on. The issue I am talking about is a civil issue. Another issue is water. The Water Corporation is doing a crappy job. I do not know whether I am allowed to say that in Parliament. “Crappy” is not a dirty word. It means something is not quite fixed.

Hon Nick Griffiths: It’s not very parliamentary.

Hon FRANK HOUGH: It might not be parliamentary to you, minister, but it is to me. If you are that pathetic, why not leave the Chamber?

Why do we not get proper water from the Water Corporation? Why do we have restrictions? Why not ask the people how to fix these problems? We can ask people for their views in these areas. A broader community input can be sought with CIR in several areas. When the community tells us what to do, they cannot criticise us. If 85 per cent of the community state to the Government that they want capital and corporal punishment, then so be it. That would mean that the usual 15 per cent - or is it five to 10 per cent? - would be opposed to it, but we cannot please everyone. When this motion I have moved is put, support will go hiding. At the end of day, it will be like the hounds of the Baskervilles. It will be the Scarlet Pimpernel in this Chamber. We seek him here. We seek him there. We seek him everywhere. Where can he be, that damned elusive Pimpernel? Will members vote with Frank Hough? No. “I’m indisposed.” Will the minister become the Scarlet Pimpernel?

Hon Nick Griffiths: I’d rather you did not seek me. I’ll stay here, thank you very much

Subject: Capital Punishment for Offenders of Heinous Crimes [Legislative Council - Motion]

Date: 12 November 2003

Hansard reference: pp. 12986c - 13003a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament, scarlet pimpernel

Straight to video sequel

following on from this...

HON B.K. DONALDSON (Agricultural) [12.03 pm]: [...] I was somewhat amused the other day when the President gave a small commercial to inform members, quite rightly, of the videotapes of members’ speeches that are available at a cost of $22. My imagination started to run fairly wild, and I wondered whether in years to come a pattern would emerge in this House with the President announcing the daily specials from the dining room, the souvenir shop and possibly even from the bar in the form of packaged wines and beers. However, heaven forbid, my imagination went even wilder -

The PRESIDENT: Steady, member, steady!

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: I wondered whether we would see the day when the President would interrupt the debate at the end of an hour and say, “This hour has been proudly supported by so and so”; and I thought of Joe Bloggs’ hot air balloon safaris, for argument’s sake. The mind really boggles at what we might see one day.

Hon N.D. Griffiths: I might order a videotape of this speech.

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: It even goes further. We might have a situation like the one with Australian Football League teams and everyone else who goes onto a sporting ground these days, where we cannot see their uniforms because of all the logos of the companies that sponsor them. I guess it would never come to that, but it did give me food for thought.

Subject: Address-in-Reply [Legislative Council - Motion]

Date: 28 June 2001

Hansard reference: pp. 1530 [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Adjournment of a thousand miles...

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: [...] Hon George Cash is one of the most multiskilled members of this Parliament. In the four years that Hon George Cash occupied the Chair that you now occupy, Mr President, he was fettered in making comments, and I noted the other day his excitement at the freedom that he now enjoys. Hon George Cash is an excellent debater and a very intelligent person, and his contribution to this House will be of great value.

Hon N.D. Griffiths: Did he write this speech?

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: No. I also congratulate the ministers: Hon Kim Chance, the Leader of the House; Hon Tom Stephens; and my very good friend Hon Nick Griffiths.

Hon N.D. Griffiths: You can now read the part that I wrote!

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: I thank Hon Nick Griffiths for his contribution now that I have had another quick look at it.
[...]
I hope that the new members on both sides of the House have an enjoyable experience in this House. They will learn that there may be a division down the middle of the Chamber, but generally they will have a most enjoyable time in this place, as most of us get on well together. There has been some good debate in this House over time. People often ask me how we can have a worthwhile debate at three o’clock or four o’clock in the morning.

Hon N.F. Moore: With some difficulty.

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: With great difficulty. However, I remember some good debates at that time of the morning when members got their second wind in this place. I used to get annoyed when the House was wound up just before 6.00 am and we missed out on breakfast. The worst aspect of that was that most members got sucked in to stay until breakfast. I remember the first time that we sat all night when Hon George Cash told us there would be no charge for breakfast. That was not the case and we got the bill. I remember there being no marmalade for Hon Max Evans; therefore, he brought his own jar of marmalade into the House because he loved marmalade on his toast.

Hon N.D. Griffiths: You have spoken about Hon George Cash. Do you remember the occasion when he commenced the adjournment debate and then concluded it by saying, “I move that the House do not adjourn”?

Hon B.K. DONALDSON: Yes, these were very enjoyable times. I hope the new members who came into this place after the last election can enjoy the experiences that we have had. There will be some unpleasant times but that is the nature of the beast.

Subject: Address-in-Reply [Legislative Council - Motion]

Date: 28 June 2001

Hansard reference: pp. 1530 - 1531 [online (pdf): p. 1530 / p. 1531]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Grim tales

HON DERRICK TOMLINSON (East Metropolitan) [3.02 pm]: I am not sure how to characterise this Bill. Bearing in mind that the second reading speech summarises the intent of the Bill, if one reads the minister’s second reading speech and loses sight of the Bill itself, it could be characterised as a “Mary Poppins Bill” - a spoonful of sugar makes the medicine go down in the most delightful way. If one is distracted by the eloquence of the second reading speech and does not pay attention to the contents of the Bill, it might be characterised as an “It will not hurt, did it Bill” because a person does not know what he is getting until after he has had it. It is only when the consequences are examined that the person knows what it is that he had. The third way of characterising this Bill -

The CHAIRMAN: Order, members!

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: I apologise to honourable members who are trying to carry on with their conversations. My voice does tend to intrude into their conversations but I shall try to reduce its timbre.

Hon Nick Griffiths: I can assure Hon Derrick Tomlinson that I was listening to his every word. I know that he, like I did, enjoyed the Mary Poppins movie many years ago and a spoonful of sugar does help the medicine go down. There is another long word I could use but I will not say it because I might get it wrong.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: The minister cannot help but listen to what I have to say because the whole world hears what I say. I want to make sure he absorbs what I have to say.

The third way of characterising this Bill is as the “Little Red Riding Hood Bill”.

Hon Nick Griffiths: And you are the big bad wolf.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: No, I am Little Red Riding Hood. Members know what happened to Little Red Riding Hood. On her way to Grandma’s house, with the express warning from her mother to beware of the wolf in the woods, poor Little Red Riding Hood was spied on by the wolf in the woods. Instead of the wolf jumping out and doing what wolves do to little maidens in the wood, he decided to go to Grandma’s house and disguise himself as someone else. He disguised himself as Grandma and decided to impose an intelligence test upon Little Red Riding Hood.

Hon Nick Griffiths: You are the big bad wolf.

Hon DERRICK TOMLINSON: No, I am Little Red Riding Hood. As we all know, the big bad wolf did something to Grandma - stuffed her into the cupboard or under the bed - and then dressed himself in her nightclothes and jumped into her bed. Totally oblivious to this, Little Red Riding Hood came into the house, saw Grandma in bed and said “Oh Grandma, what big eyes you have.” Grandma responded by saying “All the better to see you with, my dear.” Little Red Riding Hood failed the first test. She then said “Oh Grandma, what big ears you have.” Grandma responded “All the better to hear you with, my dear” and Little Red Riding Hood failed the second test. Can members imagine the situation; there is a wolf in the bed with more hair on his face than Hon Frank Hough or Hon Simon O’Brien and Little Red Riding Hood does not even twig that Grandma is a wolf; she must have been the original bimbo. Eventually Little Red Riding Hood said “Oh Grandma, what big teeth you have.” At that stage the wolf jumped out of bed, exposed himself, Little Red Riding Hood screamed, the woodman came in, dispatched the wolf and carried off Little Red Riding Hood. This Bill is a “Little Red Riding Hood Bill”.

Subject: Fire and Emergency Services Legislation Amendment Bill 2001 [Legislative Council - Second Reading]

Date: 19 September 2002

Hansard reference: pp. 1253b - 1257a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament