The sound of silencers

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: [...] I concur with the comments of my colleague the shadow Minister for Police, the member for Kalgoorlie, about paintball. I have never played it, but it sounds like fun. I do not see that there is a problem with it, provided it is done with instruction and the proper protective clothing is worn. The game is fine as long as the necessary constraints are in place. We have had this debate many times over many years. I remember that when we were in government we were lobbied by people who wanted to be able to play paintball. Why should they not be able to play? I suppose a bit of commonsense is prevailing with the inclusion of these provisions. I suggest that mainly younger people like to play paintball. There should be some sort of age limit for young people who want to play this game. I would not want to see 10-year-olds -

Mr N.R. Marlborough: It is very physical. It should be restricted to people under 60 years of age. Never mind the young ones - keep the old ones out of it. They die without being hit.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: The old ones are more dangerous. The member for Peel would know that. The Opposition supports paintball not being illegal. We do not think it is reasonable to make it illegal.

Let us look at other parts of the Bill. I concur with the comments of my colleague the shadow Minister for Police, the member for Kalgoorlie, about silencers. He speaks a lot of sense in this place.

Ms J.A. Radisich interjected.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: What was that? The member for Swan Hills wants to interject on me. Do not raise your eyebrows at me, young lady - you cheeky thing. Mr Acting Speaker, she is raising her eyebrows at me.

Ms J.A. Radisich: Don’t call me that. You are lucky I let you get away with that.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: My friend the Minister for Small Business is returning to his seat. I feel an interjection coming on.

Ms A.J. MacTiernan: Sit down and get your composure back.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: The minister’s colleague the Leader of the House wants us to keep going until 11 o’clock. I am trying to help him. I am doing my bit for the Leader of the House.

Mr R.C. Kucera interjected.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Is the Minister for Small Business trying to coax the Acting Speaker?

Mr R.C. Kucera: I am making sure that you withdraw that disgusting comment about this lady here.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: What disgusting comment? I do not make disgusting comments about young ladies.

Mr P.D. Omodei: Why don’t you call a point of order?

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: If the minister thinks I made that comment, he should stand and call a point of order. I would never dream of making a disgusting comment. Gracious me! The minister should not try to verbal me. He will not get anywhere verballing me.

As I was saying about silencers -

Mrs M.H. Roberts: Silence is golden.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Silence would be golden. We would all like a bit of solitude and silence now. That was certainly on my mind half an hour ago. It would be rather nice to have some silence.

I am talking about silencers on firearms. I want to get back to the Bill before the House. I get sick and tired of distractions from members opposite, who are trying to prevent me saying the words which I want to say and which I firmly believe.

Ms A.J. MacTiernan: You are the most wanton seeker of interjections who has ever spoken.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: I do not know whether to take that as a compliment or an insult.

The ACTING SPEAKER (Mr A.P. O’Gorman): Members! The member for Hillarys is trying to return to the Bill. The numerous interjections from this side are preventing him doing that. I want to hear the end of his speech.

Subject: Firearms Amendment Bill 2003 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 2 March 2004

Hansard reference: pp. 121b - 134a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Below the thunders of the upper deep

Mr KUCERA: [...] Members should look at the crest of the House. Yesterday, the member for Nedlands quoted the law, which she is very fond of doing. I ask the member for Moore what honi soit qui mal y pense means.

Mr McNee: What are you asking me for?

Mr KUCERA: How many years has the member sat in this place under that crest?

Mr McNee: What sort of rubbish are you trying to drive home now?

Mr KUCERA: Honi soit qui mal y pense - evil be to him who evil thinks.

Mr McNee: It only happens when good people do nothing.

Mr KUCERA: Evil be to him who evil thinks. I love waking up the member for Moore. Mr Speaker, did you ever read that wonderful book by John Wyndham, The Kraken Awakes? We have a kraken in the House. We have moved on in this world since 1592.

Mr Logan: Some of us have.

Mr KUCERA: Yes. In fact, some of us were here then.

Subject: Acts Amendment (Lesbian and Gay Law Reform) Bill 2001 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 6 December 2001

Hansard reference: pp. 6646 [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

I see red...

Dr K.D. HAMES: [...] Are you waving to me, Mr Speaker?

The SPEAKER: No, I was not waving to anyone.

Mr J.A. McGinty: Hello sailor!

Dr K.D. HAMES: Sweetheart! Do not put that in Hansard!

Mr J.A. McGinty: It would be the end of your career!

Mr R.C. Kucera: Are you blushing?

Dr K.D. HAMES: I am blushing.

Subject: Acts Amendment (Advance Health Care Planning) Bill 2006 [Legislative Assembly - Consideration in Detail]

Date: 29 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8998b - 9016a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

In need of a lift

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: [...] There is no plan to expand health services in the country, or to meet the health needs of the hundreds of thousands of Western Australians who live, work and invest in regional Western Australia.

Dr J.M. Woollard interjected.

Mr R.C. Kucera: Member for Avon, your voice has changed.

Mr M.W. TRENORDEN: I fell down the stairs.

Subject: Appropriation (Consolidated Fund) Bill (no. 1) 2003 / Appropriation (Consolidated Fund) Bill (no. 2) 2003 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading - Cognate Debate]

Date: 14 May 2003

Hansard reference: pp. 7706c - 7749a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Through a long and sleepless night

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Once again, this is why I am saying that we should suspend standing orders now. I moved the motion because the Leader of the House wants to debate it at some time in the future - tomorrow. We do not have a clue for how long we will sit tomorrow. We do not know for how long we still sit this evening. We did not know for how long we would sit last evening. I got to bed this morning at twenty to four. My little teddy bear was getting very lonely!

Mr R.C. Kucera: Obviously you didn’t get your beauty sleep.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: I did not. The member for Yokine has missed his for years, by the looks of it.

The SPEAKER: Now, now!

Subject: Standing Orders Suspension [Legislative Assembly - Business of the House - Motion]

Date: 6 April 2005

Hansard reference: pp. 423b - 428a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Disorganised religion

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: [...] In Western Australia, people can commit a crime and be fined, but they will not need to pay the fine, and they will not go to prison! That is the new slogan from the Attorney General! I am sure the Attorney will get the criminals’ vote, because anything that will save them money they will vote for.

Mr R.C. Kucera: People in prison do not get a vote.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Not all the criminals are in prison.

Mr R.C. Kucera: No. They are in car parks.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: I would not go down that track if I were the member! The member should not start talking about these things, because he might leave himself wide open! God said: come unto me with clean hands. That is what God would be saying to the member for Yokine.

Mr T.G. Stephens: I do not remember that! Where is that in the scriptures?

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: In other words, the member for Yokine should not make accusations. Unless he is as white as the driven snow -

Mr T.G. Stephens: What section of the scriptures is that from?

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: It is from the “Johnson Bible”. It is saying that we should avoid hypocrisy. The member may not understand the subtlety of the meaning -

Mr T.G. Stephens: I would stick to the authorised version if I were you!

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: I am happy to explain it to the member. My colleague, who I believe was going to go into a monastery at one time -

Mr T.G. Stephens: No. You have got that wrong.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: That is what I heard.

Mr T.G. Stephens: Well, you got it wrong.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: I thought the member was going to be a monk or something.

Mr T.G. Stephens: No. It was something much more profound than that.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: What was the member going to be?

Mr T.G. Stephens: What was I going to be?

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Yes - when the member grows up! What was the member going to be when he grew up?

Mr T.G. Stephens: Sorry. I am missing the question.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: What was the member going to be? The member was going to be something in a religious order.

Mr T.G. Stephens: Was I? You are telling the story. You have got it all wrong.

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: That is what I was told.

Mr T.G. Stephens: You have got it all wrong so far. However, this is off the point. You have digressed by your misquoting of the sacred scriptures -

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: No. I am just quoting from the “Johnson Bible”, which says that God said: come unto me with clean hands. The meaning of that is that if we want to lay a complaint against someone, we should make sure we have clean hands ourselves - we might have some tomato ketchup on our hands, or something!

Mr T.G. Stephens: The thing I have learnt about you is that when you have nothing to say, you become desperate for interjections!

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: Not at all. I am just having a bit of fun. I have just said that I have virtually completed my remarks. If the member for Yokine had not interjected on me, I probably would have finished by now. The member for Central Kimberly-Pilbara then interjected on me, and I could not resist -

Mr C.J. Barnett: It is nearly Christmas! You can make your Christmas speech now!

Mr R.F. JOHNSON: My Christmas speech will come later!

Subject: Fines Legislation Amendment Bill 2006 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 28 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8857c - 8875a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament, bible, religion

Yokine and context - sometimes irrelevant, often quotable

MR M.J. COWPER (Murray) [5.43 pm]: [...] A situation developed back in 2003 for New Zealanders. I take a bit of an issue with members of the house who said today that New Zealanders usually copy what happens in Australia. I enjoy from time to time - particularly when the rugby is on - giving our Anzac cousins across the Tasman Sea a bit of a touch up, particularly the wife of one of my best mates who is of Kiwi origin. I enjoy from time to time giving them a bit of a going over, just for the fact that they are Kiwis. Whether we are Kiwi or Australian, it is almost a traditional sport to beat up on each other.

Mr R.C. Kucera: Do you realise what you have just said about your mate’s wife?

Mr M.J. COWPER: What; that she was a Kiwi?

Mr R.C. Kucera: No, before that.

Mr M.J. COWPER: I have no idea.

Mr J.C. Kobelke: Check it in Hansard.

Mr M.J. COWPER: I will check it in Hansard and have a bit of a laugh. Okay? However, I can assure the member for Yokine that there was nothing -

An opposition member interjected.

Mr M.J. COWPER: The member for Yokine needs to get his mind out of the gutter.

Mr R.C. Kucera: I wasn’t having a shot. I don’t think you realise what you said.

Subject: Road Traffic Amendment Bill 2006 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 29 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8958b - 8983a [online (pdf)]

Tags: wa, state government, perth, parliament

Avoiding the temptation of posting just the reply

Mr R.C. KUCERA: [...] When people are reported and the police act on it, 99 times out of a 100 they will admit to the police that this occurred and the necessity to go to court is no longer there. The worst thing we can do to a hoon is not fine him-

Mr R.F. Johnson: Will you move your microphone, because it is rubbing against something?

Mr R.C. KUCERA: I am sorry. I am playing with it.

Mr R.F. Johnson: It sounds like you have indigestion.

Mr R.C. KUCERA: As a matter of fact I have.

Subject: Road Traffic Amendment Bill 2006 [Legislative Assembly - Second Reading]

Date: 29 November 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 8958b - 8983a [online (pdf)]

Tags: parliament, perth, state government, wa

Greenough is Greenough

Yesterday, the daylight saving bill was finally accepted by the Legislative Assembly. In memoriam of a sane time zone, I thought I'd share another one of the member for Greenough's brilliant compositions:

Mr G. WOODHAMS: [...] During my browsing in the National Gallery of Australia and the National Library, I came across, not unexpectedly, a poem dedicated to daylight saving. It was written by that well-known poet or poetess - not Dorothea Mackellar. The poem is called I Love A Sunburn Daily -

The love of beaches and stubbies
Of chardonnays by the pool
And doing deals in Sydney
With Coles and Woolies too
Strong love of wearing raybans
While driving in your Govvie car
I know but cannot share it
Because this time you’ve gone too far

See I love a sunburn daily
An extra hour will not work
The last time we were asked to try it
We were still recovering from Premier Burke
I love my faded curtains
And cows producing latte
My clock on Western Standard Time
And more bloody hours at Bunnings on Sunday

The tragic Labor government
And those swingers Matt and Johnny D
Long lunches with revenge intent
Giving Eric an extra hour to spend our surplus. Free.
Let the Greens tangle in the upper house
Where the Ljiljannas coil,
And trendies deck the lounges
After a hard day’s toil

Core of my heart, my rolex
Her ticking body so sweet
Mum and Dad rolling around in the morning
There’s a scene hard to beat

Mrs D.J. Guise: That’s too much information!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: Members will read into this bill what they want to read into it; that is what I have been hearing throughout the debate! The poem further reads -

But then the clockheads gather
And we can bless again
The dopey daylight savers
Who haven’t got a brain

Core of my heart, my cheap imitation bought in Thailand Rolex
In this land that time forgot
An extra hour every day,
And Carpy wants the lot.
We now have one fat time zone
All lined up with the Congo
Even the Mandurah line can run on time
With Alannah the Station Master keeping time on the bongo

The filmy veil of woopy weed
That thickens in the air
Pot smokers another hour to burn and indulge in vacant stare.
A summer of endless daytime
No clock to hold her back
This wilful, lavish land sucking mid strength
Can’t catch a taxi, mate they’re enjoying the sunset at Cottesloe
And the flag fall will set you back.

Mr Acting Speaker, this is the last, I think very important, verse of one of Dorothea’s lost poems -

All you who have not loved her,
Daylight savers You don’t understand -
Though sunburn holds many splendours,
And of it when I die,
I know to what Time Zone
My homing thoughts will fly.

Mr Acting Speaker, I am in an emphatic mode; maybe you did not gather that. Maybe some of the soft-headed modernists, as I refer to them, on either side of the house do not understand it, either.

There was a forum in ancient Rome, during the Roman Empire, known as the senate, in which there were several Caesars. Members may know about the senate and about Caligula, who appointed his horse as his successor emperor.

Mr R.C. Kucera: A bit like the leadership of the Liberal Party!

Mr G. WOODHAMS: The member may be correct, and I will not dispute him on that note.

Subject: DAYLIGHT SAVING BILL (NO 2) 2006 (WA Legislative Assembly)

Date: Tuesday, 31 October 2006

Hansard reference: pp. 7886b - 7952a (online (PDF))

A bit too excited about the budget

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: I think something has happened to me since I became a member, because when I go to bed I now read such things as this consolidated financial statement. I ask that the Treasurer put his photograph on the inside of the cover as a memento.

An opposition member: Something for you to read before you go to sleep.

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: Perish the thought.

Mr E.S. Ripper: I do not like the idea of you looking at my photograph when you are in bed.

Mr T.R. BUSWELL: I may already be doing so! If I have seen a woman’s face in ink spots, I can see the Treasurer’s face on the flyleaf. Who knows what could be happening in my mind since I came into this place?

Mr R.C. Kucera: No wonder he has a blue hand!

Subject: APPROPRIATION (CONSOLIDATED FUND) BILL (NO 3) 2005 (WA Legislative Assembly, second reading)

Date: Thursday, 24 November 2005

Hansard reference: pp. 7730b - 7743a [online (PDF)]